This post was inspired by a newsletter that I sent out soon after Mother's Day earlier this year. I talked about the fact that for many of us, it can be extremely difficult to cope with a specific day in the calendar if it reminds us of someone that is no longer with us. It could be Mother or Father's day, a birthday, anniversary, Christmas or anything else that acts as a trigger for you.
I received some lovely replies to that newsletter which i really enjoyed reading. It made me think that it touched a chord with many of you, so I thought I would rework it as a blog post. I decided to focus on using gratitude to help get through a difficult time, which I hope you enjoy reading.
When my parents died it was a very sad and difficult time, but of course you can't make the assumption that losing a parent, or anyone, is always a sad thing. There could be any number of reasons why it's not. What is certain, is that whatever the situation, there will always be emotions involved. I feel that using gratitudes can be helpful to cope with any emotions, but also a helpful way to approach life generally. It's not just about facing times of difficulty, so I hope everyone will be able to take something away from this post.
The science behind gratitudes
Research has shown that being grateful has a positive impact on the central nervous system and can actually affect the molecular structure of the brain. The result is that we are happier, healthier, less stressed and we're also likely to sleep better. What's not to like? If you're interested in understanding a bit more, read this article by The Power of Ideas on the power of gratitude for more details.
My own story
My dad died almost two years after my mum. My parents had me late in life (I was an unexpected blessing according to my dad!), so they weren't young when they died, but that doesn't really make the grieving process any easier.
Using gratitude every day
For the last few years I'd been trying to use gratitudes to help get me through difficult times like Mother's Day without realising that they were a 'thing'! Now I know a bit more about it, I have worked gratitudes in to my daily life with more purpose.
I use the Best Self Journal most days to keep myself organised, and one of the nicest parts about using it is the space to write three things you are grateful for morning and evening. I now find that even on days when I haven't used the journal, I am much more likely to take a step back from whatever I'm doing, long enough to think about what I am thankful for. It has definitely put me in a more positive frame of mind, and more importantly I think, it's helped me become a more thoughtful person.
What I'm grateful for
At times like Mother's Day it may well get a bit more deep and meaningful. As I mentioned in my newsletter, I will sometimes find old photos to help me remember my mum and dad and be grateful for them. These are a couple of my favourites.
The first one is in 1969 I think. My parents both worked in what was then Rhodesia (my mum was a nurse out there and my dad helped to run a school for local children on a Methodist mission). They met, married and my big brother and sister - the twins - were born out there. This is them all coming home to Britain for good on the ship SA Oranje. I don't know why, but I've always loved this picture, even though I wouldn't be around for another 5 years!
Some easy ways to incorporate gratitude into your life
- Each night before you go to sleep, spend a few minutes looking back over your day. Think about the things that went well or made you happy or anything in particular that you feel grateful for. Some days it will be deep and meaningful, other days it won't! It doesn't matter. It's a really nice way to end the day and according to research, will help you sleep better too.
- Write it down. Basically do number 1, but write your gratitudes down. Get yourself a note book to keep by your bed, and write down a few things you were grateful for during the day - 3 is a good number, but it can be more or less. Better still, do the same in the morning too. It will help you get off to a positive start. If you ever feel like you're having a difficult time, it can be really helpful to read back over your note book.
- Start a Gratitude Journal. It's a bit like number 2, but you will probably spend a bit more time doing it. If you want to use gratitude as a way to get you through something particularly difficult, then you might find more benefit doing an in depth gratitude journal, as opposed to just a quick list. You might like to read this article for some tips on starting a gratitude journal and how it helped the author.
Interested in finding out more?
You might also be interested in reading my posts on anxiety and tips on de-stressing and slowing down.